Australia Prepares for the Mayan Apocalypse, The Real Housewives Might Be Staged, and Other Harsh Realities

Australian PM Julia Gillard takes 50 seconds to bid Q&As good-bye forever before, as the Mayan calendar predicted, the zombies eat us all.

Speaking of zombies: The Walking Dead’s Gale Ann Hurd is producing Horizon, which was just picked up by USA. It’s a World War II drama, with aliens. (Anne Frank and aliens: peas in a pod, apparently.) Way to take over the period-piece alien genre, Hurd!

Stoners rejoice in Washington State, while in formerly 420-friendly Los Angeles, someone finds a ton of pot buried in an “underground vault” next to his Jacuzzi. Time for dispensaries to start carrying a strain called Nucky Thompson.

In case you missed it yesterday: Vanity Fair hosted a high school reunion with an oral history of Freaks and Geeks. During casting, Paul Feig and Judd Apatow didn’t think James Franco was attractive because they “thought his mouth was too big for his face.” Oh, so it cuts both ways! “He was always the one that had a Camus novel, heavily dog-eared, and his car was so full of junk that it looked like he lived out of it.” Poor, dear, car-living, fish-mouthed man. I’m sure someone will take you in.

The Mormon Church launched Mormons and Gays (dot org), reaching out to “our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters” and clarifying that though sexuality isn’t a choice, acting on it is. A sinful choice. “There is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing — and what needs to change — is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere.” Wow! What a major breakthrough! (Throws up into hands.)

Zack Morris pitches his friendship-bracelet line on Shark Tank. Soon to be released by FUBU, with Bill Cosby as spokesman.

Psy advises Americans to hide their daughters, but not in a fun-loving, dressage-whip kind of way. In a “kill them slowly and painfully” kind of way. [UPDATE: Psy has released a statement apologizing for the performance.]

Ideas that always end badly: “You know what? I think I’m going to prank call a hospital.”

Brandi Glanville, consumed by “wine and narcissism,” fakes her tiffs for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Get the New York Times on the phone! This is huge!

An homage to the lowly space helmet, or what aliens just call “thinking caps.”

And finally, a new ailment from which to convince yourself you suffer: Lincoln ataxia, a balance disorder named after the President. Time to watch Lincoln wearing your 3-D hypochondriac goggles.

Filed Under: Brandi Glanville, James Franco, Judd Apatow, Kate Middleton, Lincoln, Loose Ends, Psy, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Walking Dead, Zombies

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Tess Lynch is a contributing writer to Grantland.

Archive @ PhloxLombardi

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