Arnold and Sly Go to Surgery: A Love Story

Explains Schwarzenegger on his WhoSay page:

After all the action, stunts & physical abuse shooting The Expendables 2 and The Last Stand, it was time for a little tune up on my shoulder. Look who was coincidentally waiting in line behind me for his shoulder surgery. Now we’re ready for another round of great times and action when we shoot The Tomb. #greattobeback

[h/t Videogum]

In a bit of amazing good luck, Hollywood Prospectus knows the nurse who was in charge of their room, and he (or she!) has furnished us with this partial transcript of their conversation:

Arnold: What are you in for?

Sly: Shoulder needs some work. You?

Arnold: Same. Reached for a Power Bar at the craft services, then pop! Torn up.

Sly: I was giving my stunt double a bear hug for falling out of a helicopter. Got him three inches off the ground and I felt it go straight to shit. Shredded.

Arnold: I suppose that we are not getting any younger.

Sly: I hear that, brother. Oh, wow. Your drugs kicking in?

Arnold: Ssssh for a minute, my heart monitor is playing Dark Side of the Moon.

Sly: Mine just asked me if I want to play a game. Do I want to play global thermonuclear war? Tell me, I gotta answer him right now or something bad is going to happen. He sounds super-intense.

Arnold: I am a little bit in love with you. I want to hold you, but I’m strapped to this damn canoe floating down the river. I hate canoes, Sly! Hate them.

Sly: I’m here for you, bro. Never forget that. Reach out and grab my hand.

[An orderly arrives to wheel Schwarzenegger away.]

Arnold: I can’t reach it. I can’t reach it! Stretch to me, my lovely freund. There is a tiger in my canoe, he does not love me like you do.

Sly: I’ll see you in heaven soon. We’re not getting through this alive, the heart monitor just told me in Morse code.

Arnold: [Being wheeled through the door] ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! I am made of flowers!

Sly: You are beautiful! We both are.

Arnold: [From down the hall] It is a good day to die!

[Back in the room, Stallone falls asleep. The heart monitor beeps steadily.]

Filed Under: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Frozen Moments, Sylvester Stallone

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Mark Lisanti is an editor at Grantland.

Archive @ marklisanti