Afternoon Links: The First (Speculative) Man of Steel 2 Trailer Appears, Starring Ben Batfleck and Lex Cranston
YouTube user solyentbrak1 stared into his crystal ball and asked for a glimpse of the year 2015. “You get a minute fifty-five,” said the crystal ball, “what would you like to see?” Solyentbrak1 thought about it: Perhaps he’d like to flip through a few digital front pages, check out a White House press conference or peek in on the stock market, maybe memorize the Powerball numbers. No, no, none of those would do. “Crystal ball,” said Solyentbrak1, “show me the trailer for Man of Steel 2, which will surely feature Bryan Cranston as Lex Luthor and Ben Affleck as Batman.” And so he watched, and saw the trailer, and then asked the crystal ball if he could show it to the world. “No,” said the crystal ball, “you must painstakingly re-create it from your memory using footage from Breaking Bad, The Haunting, and State of Play.” And so he did.
- Spoiler alert with Breaking Bad’s Dean Norris: “Walt cries like a little baby bitch. ‘Great job arresting me, Hank. I was a stupid idiot to think I could defeat you.’” Related: the Breaking Bad conspiracy theory game, round 445.
- “This particular prank is ‘up there’ on the shit-your-pants-silly stress-o-meter.” Word. Until I saw the human legs I was just pretty psyched that someone had made such a great robot dinosaur.
- “I need you, the reader, to imagine us, for we don’t really exist if you don’t.” —Humbert Cooper
- “You’d think instead of fighting, the two could’ve just chatted about wearing long socks with shorts.” —Alec Baldwin’s street hassle
- Perhaps you’d like a big steaming pile of TMI about Corey Feldman’s orgy party?
- For those of you who opted to pass on that last one, here are the space geese.
- Deadbeat, “a subversive half-hour comedy” from Brad Pitt’s Plan B Entertainment and Lionsgate TV, gets a 10-episode order with Hulu. Meanwhile, NBC bought a drama about immaculate conception.
- Wet T-shirts are the new black: Joe Francis has been sentenced to 270 days in county jail, plus counseling, 36 months probation, and anger management courses.
- A 16 and Pregnant star’s libel suit against Perez Hilton was dismissed.
- Croissants vs. Kanye.
- “Not watching Dexter? Well, who can blame you. At this point, the only people still watching are life-hating masochists like me who grimly cling on to each new arid, inert, incident-free episode just because they’ve already sat through seven and a half godforsaken years of this tripe and they feel a wrongheaded sense of duty to discover how it ends.” — But please, tell us how you really feel.
- New York rapper Le1f criticized Macklemore’s “Same Love.”
- Pretty sure it’s spelled krack.
- There is no easier way to rid the word “twerk” of meaning than to listen to a supercut of news anchors saying it.
- The unbearable blondeness of being: regretting the Anna Nicole opera.