The world’s boyfriend, Russell Brand, appeared on Morning Joe. The hosts were pretty tacky to him, referring to Brand in the third person and generally treating him like an “extraterrestrial.” Sure, the comedian rocks the casual chest hair, but harping on his appearance, asking for jokes on command, and complaining that he’s unintelligible on the radio because of his accent were unwelcome distractions from Brand’s promotion of his show Messiah Complex, which Brand was more than prepared to intelligently plug. When he’d finally had enough of the a.m. provocation, he took control of the program and administered a smackdown, focusing a lot of energy on making Mika Brzezinski blush after getting called out on stroking her beverage. It’s OK, Mika. You can marry him. I don’t want to. I’ll just admire him and his boots from afar.

• If you can see past the egregious Lisa Frank–style PopCandies TV watermarks, you can glimpse Justin Bieber hitting a paparazzi with his car in West Hollywood and then driving away. To be fair, buzzards might want to get out of the way of a guy who clearly has zero fucks left to give.
• Neil Patrick Harris is set to wear Hedwig’s beautiful feathered mane on Broadway.
• RT or little Sally gets it.
• Drum till you puke.
• E.T. in a basket not included.
• Why yes, I do desire more details on Showtime’s Victorian “psychosexual horror series.”
• Stay classy: Fox News airs a suicide, Atlanta radio hosts get fired for making fun of former Saints safety Steve Gleason’s ALS.
• Serena Williams might want to hop in the tub, because she’s about to get flamed.
• Lie-ly Lie-rus: “I have an accent! So when I say ‘Miley,’ it must sound like ‘molly’ […] You’re not allowed to say ‘molly’ on the radio, so it obviously says ‘Miley.’ I knew people were gonna wonder what I’m saying in that song.”
• An accidental stunt double agent.
• Lil Wayne didn’t mean to step on the flag literally. Just lyrically.
• Taylor Swift got Swifted.
• X-Pro in motion.
• Kerry Washington and Viola Davis are set to star in Third Girl from the Left.
• Here’s a new one: using fetal masturbation as an argument against abortion. Let it finish its orgasm!
• These moms seem like a great time.
• Maybe if this had happened I would have liked The Bling Ring. But it didn’t.