The 2006 remake of The Wicker Man: so bad, so weird, and with so many bees. Nicolas Cage called the movie “absurd,” which is an understatement, and said last year that he wanted to “take The Wicker Man to Japan, except this time he’s a ghost.” Maybe that’s because a ghost could beam itself to the far-flung corners of Summerisle instead of having to jog through hive mazes and pagan processions.

• A round of applause, please, for the work of art that is stop-motion Donkey Kong.
• Spike Lee put Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto on his essential-films list.
• The doctors 90210 head to Dubai to rejuvenate international vaginas: “More and more women are requesting it. European women? Yes, of course — I knew they would want it. But I never thought it would be a possibility for Arab women. It’s only 10 percent of my procedures in Dubai, but it’s building as word spreads among the wives.” Great!
• The discrimination lawsuit against American Idol is 429 pages, and I’m sure you’ll read every one.
• LOLs von Trier offers you another appetizer from Nymphomaniac, and here’s the trailer for Julian Fellowes’s adaptation of Romeo & Juliet.
• Was Lana Del Rey’s Gaga slam a PR stunt?
• Every movie reference from the first five seasons of The Simpsons, including Cool Hand Luke and The Elephant Man.
• Enough of this spit!
• Miley’s butt tweeted about a Xanax.
• We’ve been talking about anime on the Girls in Hoodies podcast, so it was too bad to hear that director and storyboard artist Ryutaro Nakamura has died. Time to fall into the Serial Experiments Lain hole. Related: the late Jason Molina’s high school punk band’s 1991 album is streaming.
• Attack of the giggle fit: Them’s the breaks of Saturday Night Live.
• Can’t stop talking about Florida now, can we?
• The ubiquitous character actor, Let’s Potato Chips.
• Horton hears a hum: “There’s some speculation that the Hum could be the result of low-frequency electromagnetic radiation, audible only to some people. And there are verified cases in which individuals have particular sensitivities to signals outside the normal range of human hearing.”
• Sci-fi planets I’d like to visit.
• A Pakistani TV show gave away orphan babies for Ramadan. I’d have chosen the Tesla Roadster.
• Now please, allow the Space Barbie to escort you into your weekend.