Mergers and acquisitions: Ridley Scott’s Scott Free production company gets a first-look deal with AMC, DreamWorks purchases the YouTube channel AwesomenessTV for $33 million, and Shark Tank and America’s Got Talent smush to create the talent competition You’re Booked. Murders and executions: Some evil lady tried to poison Starbucks patrons by stocking a display shelf with OJ and rubbing alcohol, and the Smithsonian finds proof that the Jamestown colonists were brain-eating zombies.

• Veep gets a third season.
• Downton Abbey‘s first black cast member will play a jazz singer.
• Peer behind the lavender lemonade curtain of Taylor Swift’s guest spot on New Girl.
• Virgins are trending. Great news if the gods have recently told you to throw some into a volcano.
• The Daytime Emmy Awards nominations are in. COME ON, PAJANIMALS!
• You will be spending your summer with John Oliver. Keep it real, Jon Stewart.
• Racist commercial, or most racist commercial?
• The Great Netflix Purge is upon us.
• The UCB comedy vault: “Looking back on this era is like seeing the origin story of today’s TV comedy casts: People like Rob Corddry, Huebel and Riggle, Aziz Ansari, Aubrey Plaza, Ed Helms, and most of the Childrens Hospital/NTSF:SD:SUV/Burning Love teams all learned how to be funny here at the turn of the century.”
• Lil Wayne had a seizure but he’s fine. You hear that, TMZ? HE’S FINE.
• Community‘s Danny Pudi signed a Starbucks cup for a fan and facilitated a love connection. A word of advice to the new couple: Go somewhere else for your first-date drinks, unless you want to go out like Romeo and Juliet over lethal screwdrivers.