Here’s one of those situations where you definitely want to know it happened, but you don’t want any more than the bare minimum of information. Someone, a hairdresser called Ariel Ramirez, is deploying a furious melange of curses at someone else who has booted him from an SUV. The someone else is Guy Fieri, a man whose hair is as legendarily tasteless as his food. Fin.

Unfortunate moment in magazine-layout history: Michael Assbender.

Go to Bard College, get taught by The Sandman and Coraline author Neil Gaiman in “an advanced writing workshop exploring the history of the fantastic, approaches to fantasy fiction, and the meaning of fantasy today.”

Chris Brown is going to rehab “to gain focus and insight into past and recent behavior.” Sincerely wishing him luck.

Kerry Washington’s SNL promos are a little longer than usual and a lot funnier than usual.

Also, Kerry Washington is having a baby.

Mark Bomback, the screenwriter behind The Wolverine, Live Free or Die Hard, and the Total Recall remake, is now working on the Fifty Shades of Grey script.

Good day for sex-tape culture, I guess: Pippi Longstocking’s got one (what?), and Tori Spelling says she once made one.

Marvin Gaye’s family is suing Robin Thicke. And that’s why you never talk about your influences out loud.

Aziz Ansari’s new special hits Netflix on Friday, but you can watch this early clip to see him muse about how a certain demographic reacts to a certain Arrested Development character’s profession.

Some Thor: The Dark World screenings will include five minutes of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. It’s not really to drum up publicity or give people a special sneak peek or anything, just to make fanboy heads explode when they read this.

Jake Gyllenhaal accidentally auditioned for Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies without a British accent; the result was “literally one of the worst auditions.”

And Rob Lowe says he’ll always be willing to return to Parks and Rec for guest spots, but he also drops the bombshell that Amy Poehler’s “a prick.” Busted, Poehler.