Introducing Graph Search, the new Facebook feature that will prompt a bunch of bogus disclaimer posts, just like every new feature that came before it. If you attempt to Graph Search for something outside of your social matrix, the query will be passed along to Bing. The search, which Zuckerberg is calling the “third pillar” of the platform (Timeline and News Feed are the other pillars; Scrabble is the caterpillar), is still in beta, but you can get on the wait list here. Best-case scenario: We can all become Millionaire Matchmakers by more easily searching for single friends by city. Worst-case scenario: the Power Bar, which is “almost frightening in its ability to personalize potential questions,” sings you “Daisy Bell” while trying to sell you that Baies candle you looked at once on Amazon. When you refuse, it sets you on fire like a bouquet of blackcurrant leaves and updates your status to “dead.”

• The Atlantic kills a Scientology advertorial, but Nick Denton would be happy to receive cash for Thetan spam.
• Dan(te) Brown takes on The Inferno.
• Jessica Simpson confirms that she will appear in a sitcom based on her life. I call recaps!
• Men’s Fashion Week, soup to nuts: black lace bike short onesie, “Please Kill Me” sweater dress with giant mittens, the yellow-bellied sapsucker slicker monster, 50 shades of plaid with feather genital ornament dreamcatcher, the beige man-baby skirt, stick insect headgear, coy blonde schoolgirl wig with headband, patchwork Bloody Face mask.
• “Vote for the Worst” founder on shutting down the site: “We helped kill American Idol, but even more so, American Idol helped kill itself by refusing to stay relevant.”
• Oprah hints that Monday’s interview with Lance Armstrong, set to air Thursday and Friday, is going to be a doozy, if you care about that kind of thing.
• Anthony Bourdain’s Valium was wearing off when his plane was delayed by a “wet deuce on a seat.”
• The Tudors’ Michael Hirst is working on Alexander. How can you top what has already been perfected?
• The first person cast in CBS’s Stephen King adaptation Under the Dome is We Bought a Zoo’s Colin Ford.
• Bump and grind.
• Jeremy Irons compares Downton Abbey to a Ford Fiesta.
• Dara-Lynn Weiss, author of that Vogue article on her daughter’s obesity that most people really hated, has a full-length book on the topic dropping this week.