A breakdown of Linda Stasi’s New York Post review of the second season of Girls: 3 out of 4 stars for the “grittiness” and “reality”; 14 out of 4 stars for the “gorgeous,” “breathtakingly beautiful” Marnie; 1 out of 4 for the “ugly” anal sex, sheets, and studio apartments; and zero stars for Lena Dunham’s “blobby body.” She dwells on that last one quite a bit: Dunham’s “giant thighs,” “sloppy backside,” and “small breasts” are so offensive to Stasi that she implies that pretty ladies should hide their men from those evil, exhibitionist “blobbies” who aim to snatch them from our beautiful 400-thread-count sheets in the night. Jenni Konner, Girls’s executive producer (and recent HP podcast guest), responds “That that woman got to the age she’s at and still feels like there are rules about what kind of body you can show is sad for her.” Meanwhile: Kelly Osbourne claimed to have been body-slammed by Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters, while Gaga fired back with an open letter accusing Osbourne of “making jokes about artists and celebrities as if we are zoo animals” instead of human animals wearing steaks for hats. Move right along. Nothing to see here.

• Britney Spears is not returning to X Factor. That show is such a drippy drain. Team Carly Rose forever.

• Amy Sherman-Palladino addressed the issue of bun diversity at the 2013 TCA Winter Press Tour. Big buns, small buns, we need all kinds of bun-buns: “Where is ‘The Cosby Show’? There should be a ‘Cosby Show’!” With Regina King from Southland! Get off her back, man, she’s been pitching this for ages, but unfortunately “it never happened. Maybe it will someday.”

• “Golly sakes!” The call is coming from inside the house!

• If you’re upset because Seth MacFarlane is hosting the Oscars, that’s because you’re not going to be in the Grantland e-mail chain when it all goes down. If enough disgruntled writers join forces in Gmail, the kinetic energy produces an emoji that audibly groans.

• Real horses stage a visual reading of Horse_ebooks. Then they cure your daughter of her porn addiction. Then they eat some hay and go to sleep standing up.

• This is a very special tequila commercial. (And stars George Clooney and Cindy Crawford.)

• Game of Thrones’ Wilko Johnson has terminal pancreatic cancer and will not be undergoing chemotherapy. Nooo! Here! Look at these puppies stuffed into socks!